HOLY MARKETING BATMAN!!!!

I love marketing Cryzl,  I love when people market things towards me, it makes me feel super plus important because marketers want me, need me, and can't live without me.  Marketers want me to want them and that my dear is a perfect relationship.  One time back in my EAC days a friend told me.  "Your perfect world would be where all the boys want you and you could complain about it all day."

GHAH!  I couldn't deny it, marketing provides me with the utopia I crave.  Commercials come and go trying to seduce me with product and I complain about their length and shear amount during my favorite TV shows.

Right now I am trying to resist buying a giant box of those Magnum ice cream bars Rachael Bison has been hoking lately.  She is so pretty and cool and Magnum it's portrayed as some kind of elitist ice cream that has magic powers that can help me reach a new level of awesome.  Yum- O!

Can't complain enough,

Leslie

Things I Say in my Sleep

Hi Les, You may remember a conversation we had today.  In fact, I'm sure you remember it better than I do. This afternoon, I received the following text message from you:  "Bhah hahahaaaaa!  I am so sorry!"

Sorry about what?  This was clearly a response to something I had said earlier.  But, what?  I had to go back to my original message to you.  Imagine how silly I felt when I found these crazy messages I sent you.

"I just woke up from a dream where I was in NY at the laundromat and this guy wanted to hassle me for my quarters so he could go buy meth.  I got scared and started being nice to him and then everything turned around and he told me he was really a tranny named Janet and invited me to come see his band play.  He played the saw.

"The whole time I was thinking, if Leslie would just buy a house with a washer and dryer, this wouldn't be happening to me!"

I don't remember sending those texts.  Or even having that dream.  Which leads me to my confession of the day:  Sometimes I text in my sleep.

Avoiding the laundry at all costs, Crystal

Martha Schmarfa

Late last night, right when I was ready to go to bed Rafael decided he wanted to rearrange our entire living room.  I was livid!  All I could think about was all the work that would be required because Raf wanted the couch moved from one side of the room to another.  I threw a giant baby fit but it didn't sway him one bit and after all the drama I was suddenly inspired by the late night decorating fairies and started staging my now favorite spot in the living room.    

I don't know if this is how these shelves will stay but it is filled with all of my favorite items  and I wanted to tell you about a few of them, so pretend you are in my living room and are obligated to gush over everything I show you! 

See that little cat with the yellow sweater?  He is made out of cut silk, I found him at Union Square Park and happily paid $15 for him.  Next to kitty is this stained glass something....I don't know what it is.  Maybe you could tell me?  I found it at a church yard sale on 181.  It's all fun stained glass and was only $10.

These shelves are still a little bare , my fruit is from Urban Outfitter I don't remember the cost.  The HOLA! painting I did with oil pastels.  I plan on making a big one as soon as I get a canvas and paint and hanging it above the TV.  Maybe you want the little one?  The ukulele is one of my newer hobbies.  I can play a few songs including a couple of Demi Lavato ballads, I know how much you love D.L.  

See that genie bottle?  It was my grandmother's who acquired it from her mother.  This bottle by far has the most meaning to me.  When I was little I would pretend a real genie lived inside and wanted to grant me all my wishes. As long as I can remember a gum wrapper has been rolling around in the bottom of it, stuck for all eternity and it drove me crazy!  It's still there and my now super smart grown up brain is pretty sure I could be easily removed with a clothes hanger.  But now I love that gum wrapper and maybe years later my grandchildren will play with the bottle and the gum wrapper will drive them crazy and wont that be fun for me!  

Fishing for compliments,

Leslie

So, we're cancelling our cable TV.  I know what you're thinking.  "But Crystal, you live for TV.  You LOVE TV.  Remember when you were 12 and you were always writing in your journal about how much you loved 'The Simpsons'?"  True, very true, but I also love movies.  Cinema.  And I have an extensive collection and I think I can rely on that to help curb my television appetite.

There are some movies in my library that, well, I think they make me a better person by watching them.  Not "better" in the I'm-improving-my-mind-and-soul way, more like they make me feel like a superior breed of movie watcher.  They're little sparkling jewels that I hoard up in my judgmental mind.  I'm cooler than the average blockbuster bear because I know and love them.  The types of movies I'm talking about: Everything is Illuminated, The Royal Tenenbaums, Lars and the Real Girl, I Heart Huckabees.

But when I really got down to it...  There's also a lot to be ashamed of in my movie collection.  Like all these titles I used to love as a kid, but know better than to watch them now.  Yet still feel compelled to own, just in case I'm overcome with the need to see a flick from 1990.  Joe vs. the Volcano.  My Blue Heaven.

The Wedding Planner.  I think I'm addicted to this movie.  I'm not proud.  What happened was, I had a roommate who watched this movie every single Sunday morning for years.  So it's programmed into my Sunday psyche.  But.  No good.  (Judy Greer is freaking adorable, though.  I love her always.)

Lonesome Dove.  I love the book.  I love the movie.  I can't help but feel romantic about the wild west.  And Ricky Schroder is one cute cowboy.  Did I ever tell you I know him?  Nope.  'Cuz I don't.  But my friend's sister's friend knows his wife, so you can see we're closely connected.

I have lots of other secrets buried in my movie drawer.  Maybe next time you're in town, I'll let you take a peek.  You might just see something you love to hate.  Like David Bowie in tights.

Dance magic dance, Crystal

Tuesdays With Mommie

          On the last day of my mom’s trip out to NYC we strolled out to a local diner to catch breakfast before she caught her plane.  Everything in the diner is sun bleached and worn.  These surrounding only make her look radiant, her green blue eyes, black hair, and red lips have always reminded me of a Snow White archetype.   Our breakfast arrives, French toast for me and a feta and spinach omelet for her.  We dig in and I think about all the things I learned about my mother in the last week. 

(This is how my mom stood in all her pictures, like a well mannered French school girl.) 

* When my mother was younger, High School age, my grandmother bought her a dress, this was exciting because most of my mother’s clothes were made for her at home.  This dress was little, grey, and tight!  She wore it to a church dance and the cutest guy danced with her multiple times while the “popular girl” found out what a wallflower felt like for the first time.   MAGICAL!

* She bought candy bars for a nickel.  The cheapest candy I can buy is in the subway for an even dollar bill.

* My mom palled around with a wily girl who convinced her to try a cigarette…she took a direct quote from our former President Clinton when she told me “I didn't inhale and never tried it again."

* Her favorite meal growing up was noodles with leftover chicken, a cream sauce and a side of bread.

* Every two weeks her family would go into the city, watch a movie and the kids could pick out a prize from the five and dime.  She usually picked costume jewelry. 

* Once when my mother was taking a bath my father knocked a huge vinegaroon into the tub.  She chased him around the house naked and screaming.  My father ran outside thinking there was no way she would follow…he was wrong.  She chased him down the dirt road in the buff throwing rocks at him along the way.  She said it was the best thing she had ever done.

          After breakfast we gathered up her things around the apartment and took one last picture.  The shuttle bus came and I hugged her twice and cried the rest of the day while watching an awesome show she recommended.  Check it out HERE.

Moms the word,

Leslie